PENCEY ACADEMY!

[holden alexander klein.]

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In a quiet part of the bustling streets of Seattle, Washington is a boarding school not known by many, but has transformed some of the most troubled youth since the year eighteen hundred.

What started as an institution for troubled and rebellious youth, has transformed into an academy who's main purpose for the past twenty years is to transform homosexual children into the uniformed, straight children their parents can finally be proud of, and while they seem to be successful, taking in billions of dollars every school year, as well as praised by parents who believe the academy has made a true impact, and great influence on their children's lives, we urge you not to be fooled by their most deceiving brochures.

My name is Joseph, and while Pencey Academy may be a fine institution, it is anything except helpful to it's students. I am a graduate of Pencey, and have been living on my own since the age of seventeen when my parents disowned me from their fortune for loving people of the same gender. They were ashamed to call me a son in their high society, and wealthy lives, and when Pencey Academy couldn't mold me into the fine young, straight man they'd promised my parents I would become, they wept for days. It was discouraging, to say the least.

Pencey is full of crap anyway. the school board is at least. It's full of all these teachers and crap who swear they can make a difference in their students lives. They all live in this high security, gated community right in town. It's ironic, but there's some teachers I visit there sometimes, like Mr. Radley. He's this nutty mad scientist. He blew up the science laboratory quite a few times. He's a nut job, but he's the reason I left home without falling apart all over the place. I guess that's why they forced the poor crazy to retire. He's got this real sweet, old lady of a wife. She always makes cookies for you every time you come over, and they have a real American type of home too, white picket fence and all that crap.

Anyway, Pencey is a lie. It's real funny though. The teachers all act like your best friend trying to get involved in your personal life and all that crap. They want to help you get better as if being homosexual is some kind of a disease. The school works their ass off to cure all of their students, and it works. Oh yes, it sure does, but not in the goddamn way they want it to. Pencey students all form this close connection from day one. They confide in each other, and suddenly you don't feel so goddamn different or anything. You don't feel like a crumby mutant and all that jazz. For the first time in your life you actually feel next to normal, and you have friends. Don't get me wrong. Pencey is great, and I'm not trying to discourage you from going or anything because it's really great, but it's all these goddamn teachers constantly getting in your face that really digs a knife into you. They kill me.

Pencey is just some lame excuse for those goddamn teachers to get paid to stick their nose in every one else's business. They're real prostitutes. They sell out their drama for yours just so they can help you when they can't even help themselves. Other than the teachers and the lies, though, Pencey is just another school with drama, lies and gossip. I guess that's why I couldn't wait to get out. I'm not much of a gossip whore. I like to keep to myself a lot, but other people seem to like that crap. They all eat it up. I hope you enjoy your goddamn stay though because the cure your parents are wishing on a falling star for, is never gonna heal you, but you will make some life long friends, find comfort, and maybe even fall in love.

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